On May 8, 2016 I graduated from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. On May 10, 2016 I entered Carolina House, a residential treatment center for eating disorders. For the past 10 weeks I have worked to acknowledge, face and conquer the demons that have plagued me for over five years. I spent weeks in this yellow house in the woods trying to find the real, authentic Kristin beneath all of the rubble that my struggles had left behind. Since leaving the residential program I have been participating in a partial hospitalization program in Raleigh involving eight hour days of programming, seven days a week. Tomorrow I will take the next step in my journey and step down to an intensive outpatient program that will allow me to slowly integrate myself back into real life and help me transition into the rest of my adventure.
I dealt with my struggles almost entirely alone, not even letting my best of friends in until the very end. I have so many regrets, but I am so beyond thankful for the opportunity I was giving by Carolina House, my family and my friends to put myself back together. It’s not over. It’s a daily struggle, but some days are better than others and I am finally starting to see a real hope at the end of all of this chaos. This isn’t how I wanted my life to go. This wasn’t my post-grad plan, but sometimes you have to take the time to deal with things now to set up for a better future.
So here I am, in recovery. It’s a lifetime process, but I’m taking it one day at a time.
Thank you so much for everyone who has given me boat loads of support over the past few months. It has meant the world.
“I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was.”
Recovery IS worth it. I AM worth it.